drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
