Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
