Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
