If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
where are you?
Hypothermia
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
