tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
