my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
