roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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