I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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