If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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