are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
