Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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