you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize