It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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