i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
