Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
