Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
