she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
