im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
