Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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