he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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