So drunk, too bad you don't want this
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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