i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
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