Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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