i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
