Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize