i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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