There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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