So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
