i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
