Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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