dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
