some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
