I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
