he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
