I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
