I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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