So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
