you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
