The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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