Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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