Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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