i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
