She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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