I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
