I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
