I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize