I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
