So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
