Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
