You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
