We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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