ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
