just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
