roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
