if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize