What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
