MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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