Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
