you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
