Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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