I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We are two peas in an std pod
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
