after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
