I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
