Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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