She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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