Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
