I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
