Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
