even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
