At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
