Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
