Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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